The Worst Song Ever - "1, 2, 3, 4" by Plain White T's

Back in the pre-recession days of summer 2007, a pop-punk band named Plain White T's shot up the charts with a refreshingly simple pop song featuring an acousic guitar and pure, sweet lyrics about a girl that you have to guess was written on the back of a napkin late one night. "Hey There Delilah" was a strange choice for a summer song, as the soft guitar and even softer lyrics clashed with just about everything else that "Umbrella"-heavy season, but even if you didn't like the sound you had to admit that it worked. Part of the reason why it worked was because it was so different from everything else out there. Yes, it was a cheesy love song, but when a band only releases one cheesy love song, it seems authentic. "Delilah" was something you could hear in a coffee shop, on your tween-aged sister's iPod, or on adult contemporary stations because it was so unique, so seemingly genuine, and yes the lollipop sugary sweetness could lead to a pop overload (which is what happened after about 2 months of radio stations playing only Umbrella or Delilah) but for a few minutes it wasn't too bad to just sit back and embrace the good old fashioned teenage pop.

In 2010, the song is no longer unique. We've all heard it, we've all become tired of it, we've all moved on and forgotten that it ever existed. It is the musical equivalent of this guy, and while it was interesting 2 and a half years ago, we moved onto bigger and better things (or in the case of "that guy", he was replaced by 2 girls and 1 strategically placed cup). Pop culture in 2007 is no longer relevant today, and we are still (hopefully) years away from Vh1's "I Love 2007". That is why I had to do a double take last week at the grocery store when I heard an imposter version of "Delilah".



After bonding with the cashier while discussing how bad the hallmark card turned song that was blaring through the speakers was, I decided I had to do some digging. Turns out, the band not only stole the Plain White T's Delilah-esque sound, the name of the song is taken from Feist! Needless to say, I wasn't pleased. Regardless, I continued looking up anything about the calculated, over producded three and a half minute attempt at a song that features an acoustic guitar, a young male singer, and a whole lot of douchebaggery.

I never would have expected what happened next; Luke's father, Dexter's brother, Bruce Willis' life (or lack thereof) all pale in comparison to this shocker: the Plain White T's have ripped off the Plain White T's. Seems its still the same band, so why they would rip off the sound of a song that works once, but ONLY once, makes no sense to me whatsoever. They have remade Delilah, a song that worked partly due to inane lyrics, into "1, 2, 3, 4", a song shallower than a Toys'R'Us kiddie pool featuring little musical effort. Check these lyrics out:

give me more lovin then i've ever had.

make it all better when i'm feelin sad.

tell me that i'm special even when i know i'm not.

make me feel good when i hurt so bad.

barely gettin mad,im so glad i found you.

i love bein around you.

you make it easy,as easy as

1 2,(1 2 3 4.)

My only response is a head shake and a bewildered "really"? Are the lyrics from one lover to another, or from one semi-emo six year old to his mom on Mother's Day? Did the lead singer actually sit down and take time to write this out, or is this some attempt at irony that really misses? Lets dig a bit deeper into the song, and conside the chorus.

theres only "one" thing "two" do "three" words "four" you.

"i love you."

My head actually just exploded. I find myself at a loss for words usually reserved for Sarah Palin soundbytes. Do these guys think that it is clever to say "two" and "four" instead of "to" and "for"? Does Hallmark have comprimising photos of one of them? Do they not realize that only Bon Jovi can pull off the entire "I have (insert number from 3-5) words for you" schtick ?(seriously, the've done it twice, in "I'll be there for you" and "Thank You for Loving Me"). My 8th grade social studies project of coming up with a song for the Black Plague was better written that this peice of junk. Horiffic, horiffic lyrics. Fail. Epic, epic Fail.

There's nothing original in the next two verses to bring up. The song is just repetative, and as simple minded as counting from 1 to 4, which is essentialy what they do for 3 and a half minutes. Unlike "Delilah", simple lyrics and soft guitars just doesn't work with "1,2,3,4". Why? The Plain White T's have taken a one-time soft-rock hit and have attempted to turn it into a formula. The original song worked because it was new, it wasn;t formulaic. Acoustic guitars and an attempt at heartfelt lyrics won't work with this band long term (ie, more than one song). Seriously Plain White T's, you are not Simon and Garfunkel, you are a band featuring lyrics like "hate is a strong word but I really really really don't like you". The only other alt/pop band I can think of who found themselves in this situation was Green Day, who kept "Good Riddance" as their only foray into soft rock. The situation most resembles Ja Rule, who withdrew from the "Between Me and You" account a few too many times before having a career bankruptcy. Similarly, Plain White T's couldn't show the self control necessary to maintain the credibility of "Delilah", and it is unfortunate. Now, instead of one day watching Vh1 and having a semi nostalgic moment thinking of "Hey There Delilah" and the summer of 2007, I will always think of the Plain White T's as the group that reduced themselves to those 99 cent "I love you" cards, where the paper is worth about 98 cents and the words, are, I guess price-less?

This is why "1,2,3,4" is the worst song ever.